For a short while, it seemed like Zooey Deschanel had cemented her status as Hollywood's go-to artsy girl-next-door: boys wanted to date her, girls wanted to hang out with her. It was all in the bangs.
But over time—at least for me—Deschanel's one-trick pony quirk act started to grate. It was a classic case of "all style, no substance" — it seemed like the actress' entire personality boiled down to her bangs. Was she ever going to grow them out?, I wondered. (Spoiler alert: no, not yet.)
I have a weird grudge against Zooey Deschanel's bangs. Setting that aside, Zooey Deschanel really lost my esteem when she signed on to play the lead in the FOX network comedy, New Girl. As I'd long suspected, Deschanel proved to have no sense of humor, a major handicap for a comic role. I seem to be in the minority here, since she was nominated for a Golden Globe and everyone else in the world loves her.
So when Allure chose Zooey Deschanel to cover its February issue, it seemed like a perfect fit: Allure is a mediocre magazine, and Zooey is a mediocre actress. And you're looking at the sorry product: Zooey Deschanel thought it would be cool to pose as a blowfish and Allure thought it would be cool to run a picture of Zooey Deschanel posing as a blowfish. A blowfish with bangs.